I have a confession to make: my scholarship net worth is $0.

The truth is, what I see of other people right now is what their marks are. To me, people are all numbers, those numbers being averages. In the future, my vision will change to how much they make (that makes me sound like a gold digger, haha). But my point is, it doesn't help that right now i'm not worth anything in terms of the only money I can possiblity get (scholarships).

Let me give you the brief overview of what happens to me while i'm scholarship hunting:
1) Oohhh good specs! (a good reward sum and good chances)
2) Let's go to the application form yeahhh!~
3) Name - yep, I have that; woo~
4) Address - yep, I have that
5) Marks - uhh, with IB marks yes, with preconverted Ontario marks, no.
6) Extracurriculars - yep, I have those
7) Awards - yep, I have those
8) Leadership - WHAT?!
I'm not much of a be-a-leader-for-no-reason type of dood, you see. And every scholarship makes gives you at least 3 spaces to write down leadership positions, which I have to leave blank everytime. Not that I don't think I can; it's just that usually I won't be social unless I have to. I mean, I usually lead group projects when I think they're important enough to spend my time on; but that's because my mark is on the line, a necessity.

Which leads me to my tragic flaw: antisocialness.
A bit of insight for non-anti-social people, antisocial people are really insecure. It's a lot like being fat, really.
Being fat, you're always thinking "Can I fit?"
Being antisocial you're always thinking "Is it too social?!"
So far it has cost me my potential scholarships; but in the future I'm bound to be taken advantage of because I'm not outspoken enough!

Free Plug Line: "Can I fit?"

buy, t@-t@;
Kung-Fu Chicken (KFC)
Signing off @ 4:01AM eastern

Now hosted by Susy and revamped 3 times over ... KFC's Portfolio is back better than ever! So "better-than-ever"ish that it now takes on the name tachyonic! - with an exclaimation mark!

... Someone needs to remind me why I'm not going into marketing.

Anyhow Tachyonic! works best with COOKIES DISABLED. I know, that's absolutely retarded and against the laws of cyberspace; but for best results you're going to have to go tools >> options >> privacy >> exceptions (for cookies) and BLOCK "Waterlemons.org/kfc/". It's not like your computer will blow up in your face if you don't, but it might not be the same visual experience.

Free Plug Line: "BUBBLES!"

buy, t@-t@;
Kung-Fu Chicken (KFC)
Signing off @ 4:01AM eastern

Unimpressed. There was something respectable about him that made his cold glare all the more intimidating. I frantically attempt to evade the threatening stare ... THEN EXPLODE INTO A FURIOUS RANTAGE.

Ihe crappiest thing just happened and I needed to vent via the above doodle.

Okay so I spent a lot of time working on the yearbook cover ever since I got a tablet (hay alessandro and volta! 8D).
Imagine having to work at 7650x5000px, 400pixels/inch, painting a piece of crap that lags 30 seconds every time I paint a stroke and takes 20 minutes to load every time I save.
Imagine being 80% done
... Then image the program freezing while you make a save.

So yeah, the next time I tried to open it, it turned into a freaking .tmp file and gave me an "unexpected end-of-file".
I am still calm at this point. I remind myself that I suffer from techy problems every other hour and search trusty google for solutions.
I see this:

"Folks, when you get this error, the file is usually helpless and lost. It doesn't matter what you did to make this happen, it happened -- get over it."

Yep folks, I just found out that information in the 21st century--where vista gives you 245039480398563 "are you sure?" messages before deleting crap--an entire file can be lost by a simple freeze whilst saving. If I knew I would have made like 90 backups and have uploaded all these backups online >___>. Sooo, the file I've worked on for 30 frickin' hours (70 including the lags, of course) just disappeared off the face of the virtual world ... and this site is telling me that I am screwed, and "to get over it :)".

Actually, I wasn't as angry as I make it sound. I just kind of went "damnnnn..."
...and started working on a saved flattened version that I used for previewing (AHAHAH YOU THOUGHT I COMPLETELY LOST THE FILE DID YOU? STOP LAUGHING AT MY NAO, MY FELLOW SADDISTS! THE TABLES TURN NOW, I LAUGHT AT CHOO). But really, thank goodness I had that or I would be getting ideas from the book of bunny suicides right now.
But as I worked, I realized how freaking tardass of a nightmare it is to edit text on a flattened image D: < ... (yes, you've won again, saddists D*: )

I kind of gave up and doodled this. the messy brush strokes kind of reflect how i'm feeling. Not angry, not sad, just confused. and DEFINITELY NOT impressed.

I'm tempted to feel better by looking at the people who suffer more than I did, and--like my mother says--be grateful for what I have given that other people's lives suck more. But I think that is bull. I would have stooped even lower down the ladder of saddism if I were to make myself feel better because other people are sadder. Because guess what, if people there will always be people in worse situations that I am in right now ... there will also be people who are also bummed but less bummed than I am. And I sure as hell would be pissed if those less-bummed people used my suffering as a means to justify that they should be happy.
You know why?
Because I love it when people less-bummed than I am rant. And then I get to go, "... so what? See how MY life sucks more AHAHAHHAAHARRRR I WINN I WINNNNN. I mean, *ahem* :'(".

SO KIDS, ALWAYS KEEP MULTIPLE BACKUP FILES.
... or a book of bunny suicides :D.

I'll be blogging about my trip to Western Europe once I upload the pictures :)

Free Plug Line: "AHAHHAHA YOU LOST YOUR FILE."

buy, t@-t@;
Kung-Fu Chicken (KFC)
Signing off @ 8:44AM eastern

... people don't remember your birthday? It probably means you're being used. Or you're one of those lonertards that try too hard to fit in (every grade must have at least one).

Not to be one of those emo bloggers, but golly, do I ever feel like shit right now. I don't know what this says about my screwed up values, but I imagine one of the best feelings ever would be if someone jumped me on MSN at 12AM on my birthday saying "HAPPY BIRTHDAYYY". Unless, maybe that's something only I do ... I doubt it =/.
Based on the beginning of this rant, you can already guess what happened yesterday. No one remembered. You need not continue reading this typical self-absorbed teenage suicide letter.

But I don't have an excuse to be too emo, see, AT LEAST ONE PERSON REMEMBERED:

HAHA JUST KIDDINGGGG.

THANKS EVERYONE WHO WISHED ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I HERE IS THE COMPLETE LIST OF SHOUTOUTS (I TOOK SCREENSHOTS OF ALL YOU COOL PEOPLE, BUT THERE ARE TOO MANY TO POST):

Special thanks to Liz who emailed me (well it's texting for her and emailing for me). She promised me she'd remember ... and she DID! THANKSSS 8D.

Special thanks to Dragon for the birthday greeting on MSN 15 minutes before July 11th. LOL RIGHT BEFORE I STARTED CUTTING MYSELF IN SORROW, MY PHRIENDLY* NEIGHBOURHOOD EMOMAN HUBBA BUBBA~
* Since you're almost as cool as the PHELLO PHYSICS PHRIENDS, I'll drive you you to your depression centre - you'll be needing it after the Physics test.
BTW, the fact that I'm driving doesn't make me suicidal DON'T TAKE ME TO THOSE DEPRESSION CLASSES, I DON'T NEED THEMMMM, DON'T NEEEDDD ;~; (<-- that's wasn't a suicidal cry either D:<)

Moving on...

Finally, special thanks to Winyen who actually talked to me during the day. (LOL I'm setting myself up to sound like a loner)

People to thank who don't visit this site (most of them at least):
THANKS to people who remembered because of facebook and noted me--Courtney and Amy--or wrote a wall post--Pavan, Ruby, Stephanie, Hannah, Angela, Sam, and Maybelle*--thanks guys!
* Maybelle, I don't actually know whether to count your "MOZARTMOZARTMOZART" as a birthday wish or not. BUT considering what you asked me to do for you on my birthday last year ... IT'S ALL GOOD.
THANKS ToiletFlush guild: Trae, Alex, Jose, Claire, Peter, Jen (?), Stevey, and Anthony
THANKS miscellaneous online people: Stef

People who did things that they really shouldn't have:
1)
THANKS DRAGON FOR THE EARLY-BIRTHDAY-TIMBITS
2)
THANKS WINYEN FOR THE CHICKEN 8D
3)
THANKS RELATATIVES FOR THE $$
4)
THANKS PARENTS FOR THE SUSHI
5)
Awww shucks, you shouldn't have! THANKS DEBBIE FOR THE TABLET!

All in all my birthday my okay I guess. If You comment please don't say "Happy Belated Birthday". I mean if you missed it, you missed it already :D. INSTEAD, WE SHOULD BE MORE FORWARD LOOKING (CHEESYPARADE). So instead of saying "happy belated birthday" and crap, tell me
WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY :D?

Free Plug Line: "My birthday is on (MM/DD/YY)."

buy, t@-t@;
Kung-Fu Chicken (KFC)
Signing off @ 10:26PM eastern